Cat Got My Tongue

So it was a typical naptime here a bit ago. Told Bryce while he was snuggled up under the sheet and blankie of his toddler bed that we only have a couple more days and the new carpet would be installed and he'd get to sleep in his new bed. He answered, "And Ethan gets to sleep in here." I said, "Right," and that the baby will get the nursery.

"How does the baby get out of your tummy," inquired Bryce.
Ummmmmmmm
"The baby just comes out," I answered, hoping that was that. Oh no.... Bryce has to be among the most curious 3-year-olds out there.
"But HOW does the baby get out?"

He has asked before and I couldn't think for the life of me in this moment how I answered then. I was just so thrown off by this and couldn't come up with a good response.

So I told him to ask Daddy when he gets home. Not the best response, I know. Suppose I should warn Tim.....

Mothering Frustrations... this isn't pretty

I am starting this blog post today, not sure what direction it will take, or if I will have the guts to post it. To be this open and honest....

Today has been one of those days.... very full. Too much on the to-do list. Can you say stress? I was crossing things off the checklist, however, and the day was going fine. Until.... preschool pick-up line. Bryce and his friend, Lizzie got in the van and I immediately knew what happened. Bryce pooped in his underwear at preschool. He hasn't gone for several days and I worked with him a lot yesterday, trying to get him to go. Again this morning before preschool. We ran out of time and headed out the door a tad late, as usual. I told Bryce if he has to go, he has to tell his teachers and go at preschool. He knew full well what was expected of him. This has been an issue - he won't go at preschool. He won't ask others for help. He barely poops here at home. This has been a source of frustration for some time now. We need to keep working with him so he is self-sufficient. He currently is not. I'll leave it at that.

This turned the day into chaos. It was at least manageable up to this point. But we were expecting a neighbor-friend over after lunch and my plate now became overflowing with too much to do in too little time. A very frustrated Mom (I said the potty issue has been a battle, keep this in mind) cleaned up a huge mess and had Bryce climb in the bath tub. No toys. Water running with him standing. He hated it. I had more cleaning up to do, and laundry. Threw the huge mess of underwear in the trash. Not worth cleaning up. Had to clean out his jeans. It was seriously everywhere. All down his legs. Gross.

After his bath, while I was in the midst of cleaning up and trying to get lunch around, I made Bryce stand with his nose touching the wall. Which he hated. He did this until I had MY lunch in the microwave warming up. His was already ready, I just wanted to make a point to him. I felt like saying his friend will not be coming over, but I did not want to punish his friend for his mistakes. He ate lunch in silence. After cleaning him up, he went back to the wall with his nose against it. I finished cleaning up. And got in touch with my neighbor-friend. She said another day would suit them better. At this point I released Bryce from his nose-against-the-wall timeout and said he could go play.

But this wasn't without words and thoughts that are harsh that is why I'm hesitant to post this.... I thought about making him skip lunch, or severely limiting it. I gave Ethan a little chocolate Santa and him none, and I ate a piece in front of him, too. It gets worse... I told him if he can't learn to go to potty at preschool I would skip registering him tomorrow and he just wouldn't go. What Mom says that? I also thought to myself that there's less than an hour til naptime. If either child, but particularly Bryce, does one more thing, it will just push me over the edge. Through putting up with him....

Now comes the perspective... What if God would say that to me? If that Abbie screws up one more time.... If Abbie doesn't learn this lesson that I've been trying to teach her for probably years.... then what? God doesn't do that. He doesn't say that or feel that. So now I'm seeing where I fall short. And I'm in tears as I type this. Motherhood can be such pure joy... a glimpse of Heaven. Seriously! Such a wonderful blessing that is impossible to imagine life otherwise. And then other times... it can be more frustration than ya ever thought possible. At those low of low moments, sometimes it feels impossible to extend the grace and loving attitude towards our kids that God unfailingly extends to us - his kids. We are called to love one another as God loves us. Unfailingly. No matter what. I will try to remember this the next time Bryce, or Ethan, or Baby #3, pushes me over the edge of calmness and into chaos. There no doubt will be a next time. And I no doubt will have a next time with God.

So, thank you Jesus, for your unfailing love and example. Guide me... help me to walk in your ways in this journey. And I pray that my kids can see you in me and through the grace and patience I will try harder to have.

First Trimester - Ultrasound Update

There was a two-week question mark on the due date this time around. More definite than the other two. With Bryce and Ethan, we had no idea when we were due. So I was proud to be this sure. But I still had an ultrasound a couple weeks ago to determine this due date, as I mentioned in my previous blog post.

The afternoon of that ultrasound my OB doctor called and said there was some concern. Gasp. This doesn't sound good. The doctor explained there was a cyst on the back of our baby's neck. That it could clear up on its own, but I needed to get it checked out. He referred me to Dr. Wheeler, the doctor for the Fort Wayne Perinatal Center located at Dupont Hospital. He wanted me to schedule an ultrasound for two weeks from then - today's appointment. Pregnancy emotions ranged quite a bit that first 24 hours. I was nervous. What could this mean? Doing a little research online to self-diagnose is never a good idea. But curiousity got the best of me. It could be anything. Seriously. Could be Down's Syndrome... could be nothing still.

Not wanting to unnecessarily worry anyone, we kept this potential scare fairly quiet - just sharing with a few folks to pray for us. For the baby. And for peace. I must say I definitely felt that. By the time this two-week wait was up, I was cool as a cucumber and excited to see the baby again via ultrasound. I felt like I would have nothing to worry about.

My nerves started to kick back in a little at the start of the ultrasound. The tech was able to really zoom in and get some accurate measurements of the baby's neck. Dr. Wheeler came in and the long-story-short version is good news. We should have a normal, healthy baby. Now for the longer version details.... He did, however, say there is some thickness that he can't quite call normal. So that didn't completely go away unfortunately. He was able to look at various other features of the baby (specifically around the nose) and determine that we do not have a baby with Down's Syndrome. Basically, he said we have maybe a 2% risk still of the baby having some kind of heart defect or chromosomal abnormality. If we just had to know for sure today, he could have done an amnio, but that would pose a 1% risk of miscarriage. Not worth it. So we leave our baby in God's hands - just like we have the past two weeks. That's the best place for him/her to be anyway.

I go back in two weeks to my normal OB doctor for a normal OB appointment and then four weeks after that, I go back to the Perinatal Center for another ultrasound and OB appointment with Dr. Wheeler. He assured us we shouldn't worry. And if this is truly nothing, this thickness should go away by then. I'll be around 18 weeks for that appointment - Feb. 21. So we shall see.

We are so thankful for God's goodness, grace and care He is placing on our baby during this time. We would have preferred to have the thickness completely gone. But 2%.... it could be worse. I can live with those odds.

Pregnancy Journey - First Trimester

I have been bad about blogging but want to try starting again.

As you likely know by now, we are expecting #3. We are due July 28 and very excited about this next addition to our family. I am relieved, thankful and humbled to feel as good as I do this pregnancy. With Bryce's, I was pretty sick in the evenings, often throwing up. Had one or two spells where I needed medical intervention because I kept getting sick. Ethan's pregnancy was a different story. I didn't know if I'd ever want to be pregnant again after his. I was extremely sick at like 4.5 weeks! I had to go to the ER because I kept getting sick (like a dozen times in 2-3 hours). I was getting very dehydrated and my stomach was just too sick to settle down. It was awful. I threw up at least once every day, multiple times if we had to drive anywhere because of how motion sick I was. It was a very long pregnancy, where I didn't feel like I had a 2nd trimester. I went straight from being sick from the minute I woke up til the minute I went to bed... this lasted several months... to being big and uncomfortable. He was 9 lbs 2 oz at birth and a couple months before he was born I was in a decent amount of pain carrying him. Looking back, I think he was growing at a faster rate than what my skin could stretch. I was joyful at the miracle growing inside me, but there wasn't much I enjoyed about his pregnancy. I was thrilled when I delivered him, and rather relieved. I felt better giving birth and recovering than what I did during his pregnancy.

When we found out about this pregnancy, we were in the midst of battling some stomach bugs in our house. I thought I had caught something from a recent bout one of our kids had, but then I realized I was feeling mostly alright during the day but worse in the evening. Hmm.... I'd seen this before. I had Tim pick up pizza that night since I didn't feel like cooking and pizza didn't sound good when he arrived with it. I also had him pick up a home pregnancy test, just in case. I tested right away, figuring if my recent evening woes were from pregnancy, my HCG levels would be high enough to read a positive result even though it was evening and not first thing in the morning like many tests recommend. He picked up an indisputable test that gave a digital reading. When it showed up "Pregnant" a few moments later, I just kinda laughed as I showed the test to Tim. Obviously we were excited, it just kinda threw us off. It's not that this pregnancy was a surprise/accident, just unexpected. It had taken over a year to get pregnant with Bryce and 4-5 months to get pregnant with Ethan. This was the first month. So that's why we were thrown off. Happily thrown off.

My evening sickness quickly got worse. And no, I do not believe it had anything to do with the positive result. Morning sickness (or evening, or all day) is not in the head. It is a real, true symptom as many of you know. At that point we calculated that we were around 7 weeks along. I thought, ok - further along than being sick with Ethan so insanely early on. But I could still have a rough road ahead. That Sunday at church, the pastor mentioned the tear-off tab and reminded us if we had a concern to submit a prayer request. I thought to myself, "It couldn't hurt." I thought even though I was so sick with Ethan, God is bigger than this. I don't have to be that sick again - He could help me through it. I asked for prayers for health and strength in the coming month or two, when my sickness would be at its worst. I am thrilled to admit, I haven't thrown up since and overall feel better. Thank you, God. I felt insantly humbled by His goodness. Of all the things going on in the world, He cared enough to take away this concern for me. Wow!

Sometimes I think God just wants us to humble ourselves and acknowledge His control over everything in life. Easier said than done, I know. And I know often times we pray things that seemingly go unanswered. I don't have answers for those circumstances. I know life is tough and often unfair. All I can think about those situations is that God sees the big picture and we don't. However, in some cases, I think when we admit His control in life and just ask for something, He wants to give us our desires. He wants to answer our prayers. I'm thankful and relieved He answered this one anyway. With two little boys and many more responsibilities and a busier schedule than either of their pregnancies, I am thankful my road was paved a little smoother for this pregnancy.

We have an ultrasound Monday afternoon and I will share that update then. I'm at a little over 11 weeks and only feel queasy for 2-3 hours in the evening. Much more manageable for me, especially since that's when Tim is home to help with the kids. There are so many aspects of this pregnancy that are different from Bryce and Ethan's. And even though I'm far more tired, it's a happy, peaceful tired. I've got it pretty good!

Bryce is turning into a fish!

Today is Day #2 of Bryce's swimming lessons. He is doing amazingly well. I'm so proud of him. Today he put his face under water, blew bubbles, kicked his legs while moving forward, moved his arms a little, etc. I watched in disbelief. My oldest child is growing up. Sniff.

Last summer I can distinctly recall taking the boys to Buckner Park for fun in the water. It was the hottest day of summer. Ethan, only a few months old at the time, was crying, hungry, needy. Typical baby at that age. Bryce couldn't make up his mind if he wanted to play in the playground or in the splash pad. He told me water, so I got him changed into his swim diaper and trunks. Suddenly, he decided Noooooooooo!!! Water. Bad!!! Took off toward the playground. VERY hot asphault burned his feet, making him scream all the more intensely. This scenario replayed itself what felt like 50 times at the time (though looking back, I'm sure it was less than five times). Finally, a stressed out, overwhelmed Mom gave up and took the kids home. I think I was in tears as much as Bryce was about his burnt feet. Would he ever get used to water?

We went back to the same splash pad a couple weeks later as a family this time. With Tim's help, one of us was able to concentrate on Bryce. He was able to enjoy running around this time much better. We also set up a kiddie pool at home. He was still awfully cautious, though....

Fast forward to this summer. I don't recall the exact order of events but it goes something like this. Splash pad once or twice = disaster. We went with friends and Bryce wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. He sat by himself next to our bag of water-fun goodies. I would have given up, like last summer, but this time Ethan was old enough to semi-enjoy the experience. He's kinda at that fearless age. He takes off on his own. So I wasn't going to take away a fun time for Ethan just because Bryce wanted nothing to do with it.

We went over to a neighbor's large kiddie pool and after much hesitation and still quite cautious, he started to have a good time. Perhaps a turn in the right direction?

Then we met with friends from Columbus in Indianapolis for a fun afternoon at the Children's Museum. That night we stayed the night in Greenfield at a hotel with a pool before going to see Thomas The Train the next day. That night at the pool was another pull-hair-out moment. It was like pulling teeth to get Bryce in that pool. After a solid 30-45 minutes of him crying and screaming, he eventually calmed down and I think he even smiled a time or two. Little did I know then, how much working through that with him would help.

Since then we've been to a splash pad twice and he's had a blast. Finally. And we went to a friend's in-ground pool last week. I even dunked him! He wanted to try on goggles so after I got that on him, I told him, "We're going to try something. You can keep your eyes open. I'll plug your nose." Did those things and dunked him!! He only threw a minor fit for a few minutes.

Yesterday and today I've realized the baby steps it has taken to get to this point. At his first swim lesson yesterday, he actually got in the pool by himself! I was utterly amazed by this, given how cautious he had been in the past. He'd never gotten in a pool without clinging onto us for dear life. Even more, he looked like he was having fun! Today at swimming, Mr. Dave taught Bryce how to blow bubbles under water. He did it without hesitation. Mr. Dave gave him a push towards the steps and side of the pool and Bryce went under water but was able to right himself all the while moving his legs and arms in swimming motions. I still can't believe what I saw this morning. My son is able to do stuff I never have been able to do. I didn't take swim lessons as a child and have always been very uneasy with water. I'm still not very good with it, although I have been wake boarding and scuba diving. I digress. My little man is growing up!!!

A Dream Come True ~ My New Business

For the past 4-5 years, I have dreamed of having an in-home photography studio. I am thrilled to say my dream is in the early stages of coming true. A week from tomorrow, I go to the Fort Wayne SCORE chapter for a free small business consultation, where I hopefully will get what I need to start the business from the legal standpoint.

Then, we will invest in the equipment I need. I have a pretty good idea of what we’ll be getting. This studio will be set up in our basement, and though I will have to charge money for my services, I hope to be an affordable portrait option for family and friends. I do not know for sure what I will charge, but I foresee providing different options based on your needs. One amount for portraits of one child, another amount for multiple children, another amount if you want indoor and outdoor shots, etc. These amounts will get you a CD with the full-resolution images for you to print where you please. Perhaps an additional small charge if you need custom invitations made and maybe a refer-a-friend discount. Normal photo enhancements will be included in the CD as part of the fee.

I've included some examples of pictures I have taken in the past – however, this is without professional-grade equipment. So stay tuned for updates on the start of this business!

I hope my new business interests you. If all goes well, we’ll have the equipment in the next 2-3 weeks and then I’m sure there will be a learning curve for me to adjust to the powerful equipment we will be purchasing. But hopefully I’ll be officially open for business within a month or so. I’m really excited about this endeavor and hope you’ll consider being part of one of my life dreams coming true. J

This was included in my nephew, Dylan's, birth announcement.

Below - I took pictures of them and their family for their 10-year anniversary.

One Proud Soccer Mom

Bryce completed his first ever organized sports season last night. For the past few weeks he has been playing in Little Kickers, a soccer program through Parks & Rec that is designed for 3-4 year olds. It has been pure joy to see him embrace the experience. That first night, it took half the session for him to warm up to it, but at the end, he was running to us with his adorable grin on his face.

He participated in this program with his friend from preschool – a boy named Carson. The two lit up each Tuesday and Thursday evening upon first seeing each other. Sometimes they were so happy to see each other, they were a little distracted for soccer. One memorable moment came one evening when the kids played Red Light, Green Light. The two boys ran alongside each other but were so busy talking and laughing that they ran opposite of the other kids and what the coaches were instructing. So when the coaches would say “Green light,” they had inadvertently stopped and were talking. Then when the coaches said “Red light,” they realized they were behind the rest of the group and ran to catch up with the other kids. It was so cute and funny to see. Before soccer, we would often tell Bryce to listen to the coaches. But who doesn’t smile to see their child so happy about seeing a friend? That’s more important than soccer. More important than many things in life actually.

Then there’s us…. Mom and Dad. We sat and watched the kids each week from lawn chairs. Jumping at the chance to participate when the parents were needed. There will be a day when our participation in extra-curricular activities will be much less. We’ll be just a spectator, so this was fun to experience this with him.

This whole experience has made me one proud “Soccer Mom.” Over the past several weeks, I have contemplated that title some. There seems to be a negative or almost-embarrassing connotation to it. Yes, our son played soccer (even at the age of 3.) Yes, we have a minivan. Yes, we watched proudly. Yes, my son even has several soccer shirts in his closet. Just embracing the experience here. And I’m happy to admit that. Our minivan helps us get around town and travel with much more ease. We got excited to watch our son and participate in this experience with him.

So I say, ditch the negative “Soccer Mom” connotation and embrace what’s real – being a loving mom and wanting to actively participate in a child’s life. There is nothing negative about that! In fact, maybe the world would be a better place if there would be more Soccer Moms and Dads. I know I'm thrilled to have so many Mom-Friends who refuse to settle for the negative connotation (whether their child plays soccer or not.) I have so many Mom-Friends who define what it means to be an involved "Soccer Mom" like I've described here. Thank you, Mom-Friends. We are raising the next generation. Let's continue to do it with pride and active participation.

The boys enjoyed an ice cream treat after their final Little Kickers session. Above - Bryce with his soccer certificate and some Animal Crackers after his final session.