Healthy Baby!!

On the way to my ultrasound I was still a tad nervous. I've felt pretty confident that we would have a healthy baby but that doubt the past 6 weeks has certainly been unsettling. To say the least. Reading sad stories about babies with certain defects either not surviving pregnancy or past a few days in this world has been heart-breaking. We knew full well we were not in the clear yet. Dr. Wheeler, the perinatologist (high risk OB dr), gave us maybe a 2% risk of having a baby with a defect when we were in his office six weeks ago. We were mostly at peace because the odds were so strong for us and that everything else about the baby at the previous ultrasounds looked fine. But still... 2% is still 2%. Scared us. Humbled us. We prayed so many times in the six weeks. This experience has certainly brought us closer to our Creator.

During the ultrasound the room was eerily quiet at first. The ultrasound tech took various measurements. Some probably normal - hard to remember from a couple years ago. But several also of the head/neck. Baby's ticker was beating away at a healthy 152 bpm. Dr. Wheeler came in and they both said things looked fine. He said, "I don't see anything wrong." He affirmed that 2% is hard to be objective about when it's your own baby. Gave me a happy pat on the ankle and walked out. I looked at my dear, sweet husband and realized this is what true relief feels like. This is pure joy!

The ultrasound tech continued to look over our healthy little one. Got to the tummy/legs area and I finally said something - something to the affect of, "We aren't sure we want to know the gender." She just kinda laughed and said, "I can't see anything." The baby was breeched position and sitting cross-legged on his/her feet. Then Dr. Wheeler walked back in. So I then explained that we just said we weren't sure we wanted to know, so not to blurt anything out if they see anything. He said, "All I see between the legs is a foot." Oh, I got such a laugh at all this turn of events.

A month ago I could NOT wait til Feb. 21. Just had to know what we're having. Our hearts changed since then and we debated whether or not we would even find out the gender. We concluded we would take a compromised approach - have the gender disclosed in an envelope to decide if/when later to open it. I had planned on laying this envelope in the baby's crib. I distinctly remember chatting with a good friend a week or so ago, saying, "Wouldn't that just be God's humor shining through if the baby wouldn't cooperate?!" I almost hoped it would happen this way, but had my doubts. Sure enough, it did. And I couldn't be more thrilled. When my heart changed on this, I didn't want to be in the position of making a decision.

It's so intriguing to me that had we not had a two-week window of question, this would have been our first ultrasound and we would have never even known different!! Also, had that been the case, we probably would have wanted to find out the gender and would have been disappointed to not find out. Instead, I was finding myself telling the tech - it's ok. Decision made for us. Really I was kind-of encouraging her to stop trying to get a look. It's such strong conviction to me that God is ALWAYS in control of every single detail of life and His ways are so much better than we could ever imagine. I would never wish this scare on anyone, but it has brought us closer to Him, taught us to trust Him more, reprioritize what really matters in life... it's impacted us and so in that way, it has been worth the questionable few months we have with this pregnancy.

Dr. Wheeler said if we really wanted to know what we're having we could come back to his office for an ultrasound later to find out. But no. This was a pretty obvious sign from God that we are supposed to wait this pregnancy. And we are 100% at peace with that. My only curiosity is those of you who have waited til birth to find out.... how did you prepare? Just curious to hear stories about what it's like to wait since this is completely new, unfamiliar territory for us.

Hard to really describe what this kind of joy and relief really feels like. It's amazing! It's humbling! Such a blessing! All I can think now is, "Dr. Wheeler, no offense, but I'm thrilled I won't be seeing you again or coming to your office again this pregnancy." I'm sure he doesn't mind one bit. :- )