Zoo Membership = Zoo Memories!

I have been on the fence for some time now on whether or not to renew our zoo membership for this summer. I've wondered if I'd feel up to going enough to make it worth it. I think today made up my mind and looking back at our zoo pictures from the past couple years. My body has been dealing with a lot lately and that unfortunately will probably continue. But these are the days! The days to make memories with the kids. I need a distraction. Let's face it. When you don't feel good day in and day out, the easy solution can be to hibernate. But I feel an element of responsibility to still try my best to give the kids an enjoyable summer, even if I don't feel like I'm enjoying the summer. Sure, once our little bambino is here, the zoo outings my decrease. But after looking at these pictures, I wonder how I coulda considered not going to the zoo throughout the summer. What fun memories!! Here are a few of my faves from the past couple years....

New Bedding Poll - just for fun

This is probably a "hope-for" for now, but eventually we want to re-do our bedding decor. We've had the same comforter since getting married and it hasn't held up or cleaned up the greatest. So eventually, we plan to do the same brown carpet in our bedroom, probably the same brown paint and a new bedding set. We love the bedroom furniture collection we have - it's the same furniture Raymond and Deborah have on Everybody Loves Raymond. :-) We did NOT know that when we bought the set. We learned that from the movers from the furniture store we got it almost 7 years ago.

Anyway, thought I'd conduct a fun little poll. I don't want you to be swayed by brand/price, so going to leave that info out. Just going to include pictures below. Please vote for your favorite. :-) We'll end up picking the one we like best of course, but just thought it'd be fun to see what is most popular among my friends. (PS - we would NOT be getting the peace sign pillow in the last. Just not our style.)

Healthy Baby!!

On the way to my ultrasound I was still a tad nervous. I've felt pretty confident that we would have a healthy baby but that doubt the past 6 weeks has certainly been unsettling. To say the least. Reading sad stories about babies with certain defects either not surviving pregnancy or past a few days in this world has been heart-breaking. We knew full well we were not in the clear yet. Dr. Wheeler, the perinatologist (high risk OB dr), gave us maybe a 2% risk of having a baby with a defect when we were in his office six weeks ago. We were mostly at peace because the odds were so strong for us and that everything else about the baby at the previous ultrasounds looked fine. But still... 2% is still 2%. Scared us. Humbled us. We prayed so many times in the six weeks. This experience has certainly brought us closer to our Creator.

During the ultrasound the room was eerily quiet at first. The ultrasound tech took various measurements. Some probably normal - hard to remember from a couple years ago. But several also of the head/neck. Baby's ticker was beating away at a healthy 152 bpm. Dr. Wheeler came in and they both said things looked fine. He said, "I don't see anything wrong." He affirmed that 2% is hard to be objective about when it's your own baby. Gave me a happy pat on the ankle and walked out. I looked at my dear, sweet husband and realized this is what true relief feels like. This is pure joy!

The ultrasound tech continued to look over our healthy little one. Got to the tummy/legs area and I finally said something - something to the affect of, "We aren't sure we want to know the gender." She just kinda laughed and said, "I can't see anything." The baby was breeched position and sitting cross-legged on his/her feet. Then Dr. Wheeler walked back in. So I then explained that we just said we weren't sure we wanted to know, so not to blurt anything out if they see anything. He said, "All I see between the legs is a foot." Oh, I got such a laugh at all this turn of events.

A month ago I could NOT wait til Feb. 21. Just had to know what we're having. Our hearts changed since then and we debated whether or not we would even find out the gender. We concluded we would take a compromised approach - have the gender disclosed in an envelope to decide if/when later to open it. I had planned on laying this envelope in the baby's crib. I distinctly remember chatting with a good friend a week or so ago, saying, "Wouldn't that just be God's humor shining through if the baby wouldn't cooperate?!" I almost hoped it would happen this way, but had my doubts. Sure enough, it did. And I couldn't be more thrilled. When my heart changed on this, I didn't want to be in the position of making a decision.

It's so intriguing to me that had we not had a two-week window of question, this would have been our first ultrasound and we would have never even known different!! Also, had that been the case, we probably would have wanted to find out the gender and would have been disappointed to not find out. Instead, I was finding myself telling the tech - it's ok. Decision made for us. Really I was kind-of encouraging her to stop trying to get a look. It's such strong conviction to me that God is ALWAYS in control of every single detail of life and His ways are so much better than we could ever imagine. I would never wish this scare on anyone, but it has brought us closer to Him, taught us to trust Him more, reprioritize what really matters in life... it's impacted us and so in that way, it has been worth the questionable few months we have with this pregnancy.

Dr. Wheeler said if we really wanted to know what we're having we could come back to his office for an ultrasound later to find out. But no. This was a pretty obvious sign from God that we are supposed to wait this pregnancy. And we are 100% at peace with that. My only curiosity is those of you who have waited til birth to find out.... how did you prepare? Just curious to hear stories about what it's like to wait since this is completely new, unfamiliar territory for us.

Hard to really describe what this kind of joy and relief really feels like. It's amazing! It's humbling! Such a blessing! All I can think now is, "Dr. Wheeler, no offense, but I'm thrilled I won't be seeing you again or coming to your office again this pregnancy." I'm sure he doesn't mind one bit. :- )

Gender Anticipation

I can't deny it. I won't deny it. I want this pregnancy to result in a HEALTHY baby GIRL more than anything! The wait til my ultrasound is driving me a little crazy. We still have a 98% chance of a healthy baby. Good odds. I'm really at peace with those odds. The peace of mind will be good, though, obviously. This issue is #1 most important but since the odds are so greatly in our favor, finding out the gender is still getting a lot of attention in this house. Some would debate the calculated chance we have of having another boy, compared to a girl. I have read up on this and there seems to be much debate on this topic. Some would say that EVERY pregnancy is close to 50/50. And that having two of the same gender only SLIGHTLY (we're talking 1-3%) raises your chance of #3 being the same. Others would argue that it's more like a 75-25 split. I don't know who is right. I don't really care. From the get go, we knew having another baby would possibly result in a third son. We knew the desire to try for #3 being a girl would be there. We even considered a book and such (taboo) suggestions of how to conceive the gender you want. I went off birth control and we started investigating such means. We were going to pursue at least some of them. (I'll spare details.) We figured we had plenty of time. It had taken over a year to conceive Bryce (and on clomid, I will add) and 4-5 months (sans clomid) to get pregnant with Ethan. We had a small window (3-4ish months) to get pregnant this time as we didn't want to be due around my brother-in-law's wedding in September/October this year so I could still safely travel to it. So figured we'd just go for it and if it didn't happen in that window we would try again 5-6 months later. Without getting to pursue our methods, we soon found out we got pregnant right away. Yes, we know what causes that. ha ha ha. funny. Sorry for sarcasm. My point in explaining all this is God is bigger! He is bigger than statistics. Bigger than genetics. If He wants us to have a girl, He can make it happen. But He is also bigger than our plans and visions, too. His way is best. We know that. We trust that.

All that said, I have dreamed since a little girl of having both a boy and girl. One of each. It's what I had growing up. It's what I saw for my future family. And after two boys, I long to have a daughter to do girl things with. Tim and his brother had a wonderful upbringing. Scouts. Sports. Boy stuff. Etc. I would love to have a daughter to do girl things with. I think the different dynamics (father/daugther, father/son, mother/son, mother/daughter) are all extremely special and unique. When Ethan's pregnancy was as rough as it was, I was convinced I was done having kids. Until we learned he was a boy. After his ultrasound, I cried. I wanted a girl so bad, but almost as badly, I never wanted to be pregnant again. Time heals. The second he was born, I was in love. I did overcome my disappointment - my vision for life was different than the outcome. Obviously a childhood dream and adult reality probably seldom go together. The intense desire to still experience what it's like to have both re-entered the scene. Our family just did not feel complete. Whether #3 is a boy or a girl, I think Ethan was a boy for a pretty obvious reason. God did not want us to stop at two kids. He had more in store for us. I would have been ready to tie things up (or snip) if Ethan had been a girl.

Fast forward to present day. We have a little over a week until our ultrasound. We have debated whether to find out the gender. And I still wonder. At least in that office. (Might have the big news concealed in an envelope or something and to learn the gender in the privacy of our own home.) I won't deny it. I think I will be in tears regardless of what we find out. Either overwhelming, intense joy, or disappointment. I don't want to open this up to psycho-analysis of me. Unless you have experienced the intense desire to have one or the other and the desire is unfulfilled (or I definitely know - any kids at all - which I know is WAY different than this), I don't think you truly know what this feels like. That part is slightly frustrating to me - how few people I have who can truly relate. Even if we go back to our grandmas. All our grandmas experienced both. My mom had one of each (obviously). My aunts have all had both. On Tim's side, his mom had two sons (yet two miscarriages. We have never heard if the genders of the two miscarriages were ever known). His aunts all had both, except one (who had two boys). On the cousin/sibling level (this generation), my brother and sister-in-law have two of each. On my mom's side, one of my cousins has a girl and two boys. Another cousin has two boys and they are thrilled. They only wanted boys. On my dad's side, there's a lot of experiences of both. (There is also some infertility which makes me feel bad for writing this.) On Tim's dad's side - they have had both. On his mom's side - all girl children. One is an only child right now. The other are two sisters. All this to say, family probably has a hard time understanding where we're coming from - for the most part.

I would not trade Ethan or Bryce for the world. I LOVE THEM TO PIECES!!! Three kids feels like a good fit for our family. So there's a finality to this. Tim and I BOTH hope and dream of having a little girl. And if it's not to be, we will deal with that. We will love this child NO MATTER WHAT. That goes without saying. We know we are beyond blessed regardless. Having Bryce and Ethan, along with getting married, have been the absolute best things that have happened to us. This baby will certainly add to that regardless. To be completely honest, I often feel undeserved of such blessings. God's grace can be difficult to understand and accept sometimes. Like I said, I hear of infertility and losses during/after pregnancy and absolutely cannot fathom that. So it's hard to feel like we're fortunate enough to be sheltered from the bad stuff. And I know I should be grateful simply to have a healthy baby. To have had three of them. There's just an unexplainable void for a little girl. And if the void is not filled by a daughter, we know God will fill it. He WILL meet our needs/desires, one way or another.

I do feel like all signs point to having a girl (and there have been signs but I won't share those now). However, since I was soooo much more sick during Ethan's pregnancy, I thought he was going to be a girl. So I don't want to set myself up to expect a girl and be disappointed. So every day now I am trying to prepare myself to find out we are having boy #3. In doing so, I am going to make a list of pros/advantages to having a little boy. I don't want to be disappointed to hear we are having a third son. Obviously it wouldn't be his fault. So I am trying to emotionally and mentally prepare myself for that outcome so I can still be the best mom possible to him. And if we hear it's a girl instead, well.... yay!

BOY PROS

1. SONS ARE PRECIOUS! Nothing quite like them! Seriously. These boys melt this Mommy's heart daily.
2. Son #3 could possibly relate better and play better with Bryce and Ethan. Not that a daughter wouldn't, but get what I mean? And likewise, maybe the boys would relate better/enjoy more a brother as compared to a sister. Obviously, they (and we) will love child #3 regardless. That goes without saying.
3. We have boy clothing out our ears here. (Bryce and Ethan's sizes/seasons didn't match up for the first year!) Though I would want this baby to have some of his own special clothes/toys/etc., we are physically prepared for boys in this house.
4. Speaking of toys - no need to "make room" for a whole different kind of toys.
5. Would save $$$$. We would use the same crib bedding/decor as we used for both Bryce and Ethan. We wouldn't need the new bedroom stuff, new/different baby blankets, bibs, sleepers, CLOTHES, etc. It truly would save a good amount of money.
6. Having another boy would possibly affect Ethan less. If we have a little princess instead, we would love all our children to the moon and back of course. But I could see the middle child issue being more obvious for Ethan if we get the daughter we dream of. Being conscious of that, if we do have a girl, we will make extra effort to make sure he doesn't feel middle child syndrome issues.
7. We would get to contemplate boy names. We are 100% set on a girl name (have been since Ethan's pregnancy). So getting to discuss names again would be fun.
8. So many say/think that Bryce looks like Tim and Ethan looks like me. Who would son #3 look like?
9. Raising boys to be responsible, thoughtful, strong, loving, Christian men is true privilege. Hopefully we will mold them to be wonderful, loving, Christ-centered husbands someday to someone else's present-day little princess. That's a priceless gift in itself. And to be wonderful daddies someday, too - like their incredible daddy.

Who am I kidding? I still want a girl. But I want my attitude about having son #3 to be as prepared and positive come Feb. 21 as possible. So I will continue to think positive thoughts and pray about this big day.

Ethan's new toddler room

And here's Ethan's new toddler bedroom. We chose a sports theme for him. He too gets excited about trains, especially train cartoons on TV - Chuggington and the Choo Choo Soul lady who sings on Disney. "All aboard the choo choo train..." So cute how he sings along. But even earlier than his excitement about trains, we noticed he would pick up various ball toys - toy basketball, small rubber balls, etc. Maybe he'll be an athlete. Maybe not. But we thought a sports theme would be fun for him since he seems to like soccer balls, basketballs, etc. And we want him to have his own special room - not a repeat of Bryce's toddler room. Again... this came from Target... We got it for him for Christmas, as well as getting Bryce his train comforter from Pottery Barn Kids. Ethan's bedding set alone was only $30. I think Bryce's toddler set was closer to $60. $30 is a pretty good deal for a toddler bedding set anywhere. Especially one that is this cute.

We chose red for his name letters. Thought it'd look good against the brown walls and above the baseball shelf. Bryce has the same 12-month frame on his shelf and they both have a small Longaberger basket with a baby tie-on depicting their year of birth. Also on Bryce's shelf is an engraved train pewter bank. We got Ethan a pewter soccer ball bank with his name and birthdate engraved. Thinking of saving that to include in his Easter basket. Or give to him for his upcoming birthday (March 5). The soccer bank will go on his shelf as well.

We'll eventually put books on the shelf (it is bolted to the wall so it won't fall over on him). Just want him to get used to a simple room without distractions from sleep first.And this was taken the day the carpet guy was still here. He was working on the nursery and finishing up Bryce's room after putting Ethan down for his nap. It was loud upstairs but a later naptime. Ethan had no trouble falling asleep. He has napped and slept at night really well in his toddler bed. When asked, he crawls into bed and curls up with his head on top of the pillow. The first night he did fall out. We heard a thud and went to him immediately - expecting him to burst into tears. However, he was soooo tired, he basically had fallen back to sleep on the floor where he landed. Other than that instance, he has done exceptionally well with the transition. Better than expected. Areas of development Bryce has done well with, Ethan has given us a run for our money. And Bryce did so-so with the toddler bed transition. We thought Ethan would be more of a challenge. So proud of him for doing so well with this! It is kinda bitter-sweet to see him in Bryce's old room. Sure, we started Bryce in the room even younger than Ethan is now. But Bryce has grown and changed a lot over the course of time he has used the toddler bedroom. So we were used to an older child being in there. Seeing our little guy in the toddler room now is a reminder of how our kids are growing up. See the following post about the transition and our empty nursery.

www.authenticallyabbie.blogspot.com/2011/01/mixed-emotions.html

Bryce's new room

When Bryce was barely out of the baby stage, he quickly grew a love for trains so we picked a toddler set with trains of course! And other modes of transportation as well. Love Target for toddler bedding. Good deals and cute bedding! Bryce's grandparents (Tim's parents) got him this toddler bedding set his second Christmas. We moved him to the toddler bed around 19 months to save us from having to buy another crib. So first here are some pics of Bryce's old/toddler room....

Now time for pics of his new room. We had to continue his love of trains (he still loves choo choos)............

Name letters. We started that with Bryce's first bedroom - his nursery in Columbus, IN. We have painted the letters to coordinate with his room ever since. Ethan also has name letters and we will do the same for Baby #3. Kinda fun for a kid's room to have their name on the wall. It's basically what taught Bryce how to spell his name at a pretty young age. He'd read the letters from his toddler room.

These were etsy/ebay finds. The canvas art through Pottery Barn Kids is very expensive. Plus, I don't think it's even available anymore for Bryce's bedding set. I found someone on etsy who paints pictures very similar to his quilt/sheets. They are on heavy paper (not even cardstock) but when framed in these inexpensive wood frames, the look is stunning. Not bad for $20 plus shipping! We bought cheap white wood frames and spray painted them navy. Below the framed art is Bryce's name train his grandparents got him his first birthday. That's kind-of what started his love of trains - was that gift. Found this train track/shelf specifically designed for these personalized name trains. Nice little addition to his room...

This came from a children's resale a couple years ago. So did the yellow railroad sign hung close to Bryce's bed.

One from before hanging up window treatments... to show Bryce's memo board. Hope to put wallets/snapshots of his friends there, and preschool crafts, too. Found the memo board on ebay. The fabric used is the same as his bed sheets.

Bottom line... we have one very happy little boy in love with his new choo choo big boy room!

Mixed Emotions

For some reason, I was a little surprised with a tad overwhelming feeling. We just put the boys in their new beds and Bryce is so excited and Ethan did well at naptime and is doing well so far in the toddler bed here tonight. It's been fun to get their rooms ready. And we still have some finishing touches to do. Their rooms are going to be so nice when they're done. That will be a future blog post full of pictures. Soon. Don't worry.

So anyway, after getting them tucked in for the night, I took some of the boys' decor we haven't hung up yet and placed them in our empty nursery. Kinda got that emotional gulp in my throat. Our nursery is EMPTY. We haven't had an empty nursery since before Bryce was born. Take that back - it was empty for a brief spell after Bryce moved to the toddler bed before Ethan was born. But at that point, we knew we were having another boy and soon settled on his name so we could buy and paint wood letters to put above the crib. We immediately got the room ready for Baby #2. This time feels different. The crib is in there - but no bedding on it as we wait to discover if we're having another little boy or a little girl this time. If we have a boy, he will use the same nursery decor the boys both had. If we have a girl, she will get a new girly set. So we wait. And the nursery sits empty. Just waiting. As are we... to learn if we will for sure have a healthy baby. Gosh that's on my mind almost hourly - praying a hundred times a day for our little bundle. ... But also as we wait to learn what will likely be the completion of our family. Two boys and a girl. Or three boys.

I'm so excited for the boys in their new rooms. Bryce especially is really excited and Ethan seems to be doing as well as expected so far with his transition. The crib is all he has ever known so wasn't sure what to expect from him. But part of me is a little sad they are growing into their next stages - bigger beds, meaning they're growing up. I'm so thankful and feel so blessed we have another little bundle on the way to sleep in the nursery and fill our hearts and home with joy.